INTERVIEW WITH A DOG

      http://www.kashmirdispatch.com/others/15058204-kashmir-interview-with-a-dog.htm

The following interview was conducted right after the census, which declared that there are 91,000 dogs in Srinagar city. The interviewee was first reluctant to talk and agreed only on the condition that his identity and color remain hidden. The interviewee thus will be referred as ‘He’.  

Bow wow ow… Aaa.. ooo
                Sorry for that madness. It has crept in lately. You go on with your business.
ME: So you are 91,000 here.
HE: Aaah! We can be but they are lying.

ME: How?
HE: They told you 91,000 dogs. What about our bitches and puppies.

ME: You want to say that you are more than that?
HE: Can’t Answer.

ME: Why do people hate you?
HE: There are many reasons for that. First, because we bite them. Second…

ME: Before going on to second, I want you to elaborate on this first point?
HE: That how we bite (smiles).
             Bow wow ow… Aaa.. ooo
                Sorry. Can’t stop this urge to bark.
Ok. Why we bite? It is a big question. Our scientists have been working on this for centuries with many answers. Two major schools have emerged. One says it is in our nature. And the other says we bite when we are provoked.

ME: So what do you think?
HE: See, I believe in one thing. You have to understand that bark and bite are different. You humans confuse them as one just because they begin with the same letter. No! Barking is in our nature, but we bite when provoked.

ME: But, in most of the bite cases, no one provoked you. You even bit children.
HE: Ooh ho ho! Bow wow! That’s a great allegation. I thought you humans are intelligent and you know all about us. You even write about us. Hasn’t one of your famous poet said about us that we dwell in rubbish.
                Gallazat mein ghar, naliyoun mein baserey
                Pardon my urdu.

He told you that we live in galazat, though he exaggerated with sewages. The problem is, with you, not with us.

ME: And what is that?
HE: You think we live in rubbish, where as we search for it. It is not our problem if your municipality puts huge dustbins in main chowks, where people of all ages come and go. They disturb us while eating and sleeping. And I must tell you that eating and sleeping are our religious activities, whosoever disturbs us that time, we bite. That bite is your provocation and it’s across age and sex.

ME: What was your second point?
HE: Second, well that is the main reason why you hate us. It is because we remain mostly outside military camps. You hate them and thus hate us. You count them with us. No wonder we came up 91,000 (smiles).

ME: Hmm…that might be true. But, why you dwell outside these camps?
HE: One, because you don’t want us in your homes. You have some religious explanation for that.

ME: Other?
HE: You don’t know that. It’s our tragic story in Kashmir. It happened in early 90s. It was their first operation. They took our smelling power and you know we see with our noses. From that day on we have been in a secret operation of ours to locate in which camps they have hidden it. That’s why we have to be around them, for any clue.

ME: But why would they do that?
HE: You are so dumb. Had they not done it, our noses would have guided you to those mass graves much earlier, and we would have been a part of your resistance.
                                                                                                                                               
ME: That’s a loss!
HE: Don’t be sarcastic. Bow wow ow… Aaa.. ooo

ME: So coming to the basic issue, the reason why this interview was conducted. Your population is increasing and they are trying ways to kill you. Are you angry?
HE: Why should I be? I know we are too many. I myself want to kill some, and I have killed some.
                Bow wow ow… Aaoo..ooo

ME: But, some people really love you and stand for you…
HE: It’s their mistake. No one can stand or fight for us. They are in their utopia. It’s our fault also. We are not organized. Had we been, no one would have spoken for our rights, or our lives.

ME: Are you doing anything?
HE: Ah! Humans. Bow wow.

ME: Ok, now I have a rapid fire round for you.
ME: Why do you urinate on our cars?
HE: To show its worth.

ME: Why do you fight among yourselves?
HE: Human tendency.

ME: What do you hate?
HE: Being fed.

ME: If you were human, what would you do?
HE: Be a dog.

ME: Tell us a secret.
HE: We are organized.

……………………………………………………………..

ME: I know, the interview is over, but I would like to know about this madness that has crept in you.

HE: Don’t be so excited, we won’t die of it. It is a strong urge to bark, which you can’t stop, just like human mouth. And, curse that day when we acquired it. It comes down through generations from the Bitch who first bit a human. 

Muzaffar Karim